Extraordinary Lives | Extraordinary Businesses | Ordinary People

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Mirror, mirror on the wall…

I love fairy tales!

In Snow White, the mirror told the truth and that’s exactly how it is in real life too. If you’re willing to see it, the “mirrors” in your life will tell you the truth.

I’m talking about literal mirrors and metaphorical mirrors.

Literally looking into a physical mirror is great for your soul. Look into your own eyes and connect with yourself. Do it every day or do it when you are looking for insight. Look at your physical appearance. Is it what you want? Look at how you hold yourself. Does it reflect how you feel inside? Is that what you want?

If you want to change how you feel inside, you can look into a mirror while you’re changing something. You can stand in front of a mirror while you’re holding yourself taller, pulling your shoulders back and holding your head high. This can help you boost your confidence. You can stand in front of a mirror with a big smile on your face if you want to improve your mood. I know it sounds silly and it really works!

Metaphorical mirrors can be found everywhere and give you insight about yourself. It’s usually a lot more difficult to see the truth about yourself. You have to really be willing look. Here are some clues to help you find these “mirrors”.

When things other people do push your buttons, it’s usually an indication of something you see in yourself that you’d like to change.

The words you habitually use can help you see patterns in how you think about yourself. Look for language you use that may not be serving you.

Words like “should” or “supposed to” indicate judgment and whether you direct them toward yourself or others, you are likely judging yourself.

Words like “can’t” and “try” indicate self-imposed limitations and lack of commitment to the results you say you want.

The word “but” can be showing you that you have difficulty accepting personal responsibility and would instead prefer to blame others for your circumstances.

The word “sorry” is an indicator of self defecation and ironically, also may indicate your difficulty accepting personal responsibility.

Remember to be willing to see the truth and it will reveal itself to you.

I’m here to help! If you have any interest in getting support and guidance with creating an extraordinary life and/or business for yourself, contact me to set up a casual, no pressure conversation & we’ll discuss how I might be able to help you.

Jen Kunkel
Connect For Success, Life Design & Business Consulting
Author & Creator of “Extraordinary Lives for Ordinary People”

Everyone has a purpose and every business has a purpose. When you started your business or entered your profession, you did so with a purpose in mind. Maybe that has changed somewhat over time. Still, there is always a purpose.

Do you know what your purpose in business is? Do you remember why you started it in the first place? What did you want to accomplish? How did you want to change the world? Was your purpose something bigger than you? Or did you have a more basic, survival based purpose in mind?

Whatever it was, each one is as meaningful as another. There is no “better” purpose and there is no purpose that doesn’t matter. They all matter.

I mean this in two ways. First, your purpose matters to you because it is based on what is most important to you. Secondly, your purpose matters because it has been guiding the direction of your business or career.

If you’re purpose happens to be more survival based and is about earning money to pay your bills, you might be inclined to diminish it. Those things are important. They need to be done. On the other hand, since your purpose has most likely guided your direction, you may want to update your purpose. Having a constant purpose only of survival may keep your business at a level where that is all you get. Once you are meeting those survival needs, you might consider expanding on your purpose to grow your business.

Maybe you started out with a grandiose purpose to change the world. If things are going that way, great! Keep it up! Sometimes people have a purpose like this and end up biting off more than they can chew at once. If that’s happening for you, remember that even a small effect on one person can ripple through the rest of the world. You might want to reconsider your purpose with that in mind.

These are just a couple of examples at opposite ends of the spectrum. In any case, you want to be aware of the purpose you have for your business. Like any aspect of your business, you want to evaluate it occasionally to make sure it’s still working for you.

Your purpose is your passion. It’s what drives you. The purpose of your business is what drives your business.

I’m here to help! If you have any interest in getting support and guidance with creating an extraordinary life and/or business for yourself, contact me to set up a casual, no pressure conversation & we’ll discuss how I might be able to help you.

Jen Kunkel
Connect For Success, Life Design & Business Consulting
Author & Creator of “Extraordinary Lives for Ordinary People”

You might think a misunderstanding is no big deal.  Well, think again.  Misunderstandings cause huge problems, create wars and destroy relationships.  Misunderstandings are a big deal, especially if they go undiscovered.  Of course, if you can get past the misunderstanding and clarify to instead, create understanding, these disasters can be avoided.

This week’s messages are all about various aspects of misunderstandings, how to recognize them and how to deal with them.

Thursday’s Business message is “Sales Skills | The Most Valuable Tool You Possess” which is about listening and how that helps you provide value to your customers.

Friday’s Bite Size is “When You’re Not Being Heard” which is about what to do when you know someone else is not listening to you.

Monday’s Journey message is “Perception is NOT Reality” which is about how the way you see the world is not the only way to see it.

Tuesday’s Core Strengthening message is “Courage To See The Truth” which is about having the courage to see your own truth, even if it something you may not like.  If you don’t like it, you’ll want to change it & if you don’t see it, how can you change it?

Misunderstandings can make things feel impossible.  Just remember that you control your destiny and you control your world.  Focus on the things you have power over.  Do your best with those you don’t.  Trust that things will come together in the way they are meant to.  Look for a lesson in the difficulties you experience.  When you learn the lesson, the difficulties will dissipate one way or another.

I’m here to help! If you have any interest in getting support and guidance with creating an extraordinary life and/or business for yourself, contact me to set up a casual, no pressure conversation & we’ll discuss how I might be able to help you.

Jen Kunkel
Connect For Success, Life Design & Business Consulting
Author & Creator of “Extraordinary Lives for Ordinary People”

Conflict with other people is a natural part of life. People cross over our personal boundaries and we stand up for ourselves. Sometimes others are receptive to that and respect those boundaries. Sometimes they don’t understand or dismiss your concern, continuing to cross over your boundaries. Some people even insist that you respect their boundaries, while at the same time trample over yours.

I’m sure most people have been in situations like these. Some can be very difficult to deal with. You are certain that you are right. It seems perfectly clear to you that you are right. I can guarantee you though, that which ever side of this you are on, you will believe you are right. When you believe at your very core that you are right about something, it can be very difficult to see the truth.

So, what do you do?

Well, if your boundaries are constantly getting trampled or ignored, you may feel you need to stand your ground or it will continue to happen. I get that and I don’t expect anyone to sacrifice their personal well-being by allowing their boundaries to keep being crossed.

I do suggest that you question your boundaries and be willing to see the truth. Ask yourself if those boundaries are really that important. Ask yourself if the issue lies more in your perception than the behavior of someone else. Ask yourself if you are putting too many “rules” on how other people behave around you. You may be crossing their boundaries by imposing all these “rules” on them.

On the other hand, sometimes people really are crossing boundaries that are very important to you. If they are physically harming you or taking things that belong to you or forcing you to do things you don’t want to do, definitely stand your ground or get away from them. Other than that, only you can decide what is really important and what you are willing to accept. Just be willing to be very honest with yourself about it.

When I’m in a situation like this, I eventually ask myself what I did to create it. I believe in taking personal responsibility for my role in creating any situation in my own life. I know there is something I did to contribute to making it happen. It’s usually something deeper than what someone else can see on the surface, so it requires self reflection.

Now, understand that taking personal responsibility for your role does not mean you are “wrong” or that the other party has no responsibility. You simply have no control over whether the other party sees their role or not. If you’ve ever attempted to convince someone of how wrong they are, you know that is usually not well received. The only thing you have control over is the part you played.

Seeing your role in creating any situation in your life can be difficult. You have to be willing to look inside yourself and see the truth, whatever it is. Also remember that it is not about blame or fault, which can feel reproachful or condemning. It is about recognizing something you can do differently. That is empowering. If you don’t see how you played any role in creating your circumstances, keep looking. No matter how much of a role other people played, you also played a part. When you find it and are willing to see it, you will have found something that will make a profound impact on your life. You will have a renewed feeling of inner peace because you will now have a feeling of total control over the situation. You will feel empowered.

I’m here to help! If you have any interest in getting support and guidance with creating an extraordinary life and/or business for yourself, contact me to set up a casual, no pressure conversation & we’ll discuss how I might be able to help you.

Jen Kunkel
Connect For Success, Life Design & Business Consulting
Author & Creator of “Extraordinary Lives for Ordinary People”

My Grandpa used to say “Don’t believe anything you hear and only half of what you see.” It turns out that’s a quote by Mark Twain, however at the time I didn’t know that. I also didn’t understand why you would not believe something you could see with your own eyes. If you can see something, it has to be true. Right?

Wrong!!!

Things are not always as they appear to be. Everything you experience is clouded by your own perception. You can see something and absolutely swear it’s true. You know that’s the way it is because you saw it.

Steven Covey uses an example that describes a man on the subway with his children. The children are a bit rowdy and the man seems unconcerned with how his children’s behavior is affecting other passengers. You could see this situation and say you know that man is a bad parent because you saw it. You saw that he just let his kids run wild with no regard for the people around them. The story ends with Covey explaining how he discovered this man and his children had just come from the hospital where their mother had just died. That puts a different spin on it, now doesn’t it?

You might think this could only happen with someone you don’t know. Think though about how these misperceptions are actually more likely to occur with the people you do know. The way you see anyone or anything is already distorted by the “glasses” through which you view life. These glasses are based on your own experiences and your perceptions of those experiences.

Now consider that your view of the people closest to you is based on many experiences with them over the years. Imagine if, for each and every one of those experiences, your perception is just a little skewed from what is really going on “in their shoes”. You form opinions about what kind of person they are on the inside and what their motivation is. However, as it turns out, those opinions are sometimes based on flawed interpretations of their actions.

This is especially true when your communication styles are very different. Even when you explain yourself, it is perceived through the “glasses” of the other person. The words you string together mean one thing in your mind and something different in the mind of another. It happens all the time. It probably happens much more than you realize.

You can never be sure what piece of the puzzle you are missing. There is no way for you to know what is motivating another person. There is no way for you to truly understand someone else because there is no way for you to walk in their shoes.

So, be careful about jumping to conclusions, even if you believe you are seeing something for exactly what it is.

I’m here to help! If you have any interest in getting support and guidance with creating an extraordinary life and/or business for yourself, contact me to set up a casual, no pressure conversation & we’ll discuss how I might be able to help you.

Jen Kunkel
Connect For Success, Life Design & Business Consulting
Author & Creator of “Extraordinary Lives for Ordinary People”

Misunderstandings can cause a great deal of unnecessary conflict in our lives.

A “mis” – “understanding” would be “not” – “understanding”.

Logically, to avoid a misunderstanding, you would seek to understand. How do you understand someone? Listen.

There are two sides to an understanding or misunderstanding though. What if you are the one being misunderstood? What do you do if the other person is not willing to listen? What do you do if you know you’re just not being heard?

Recognize when someone isn’t listening to you and don’t force what you have to say on them. First, forcing what you have to say on them would be quite inconsiderate, regardless of the issue. Second, it would be pointless to simply get your words out when no one is listening. If you feel like you just have to get the words out, give some thought to what is really going on within you. Are you really looking for resolution? Or are you looking to judge, condemn or put down the person?

Another thing to do if you feel someone is not listening is ask yourself if you are really listening to them. For example, if someone is attempting to discuss and resolve an issue with you, coming back to them with an issue you have is not going to help them feel heard. It’s going to seem like you are ignoring their issue and turning it all around on them. Address the issue they are bringing up, with a two-way resolution in mind. Choose another time to bring up any issue you want to resolve.

What if you have looked deep within yourself, you know you have listened and you realize you are just dealing with someone who refuses to listen no matter what else you do?

I’ve been pondering that question for some time now. It’s one of the most difficult questions to answer. At least when it is causing conflict between you and someone you care very much about. You feel more invested in the outcome when it involves someone you care about.

I believe I have found the answer.

I don’t usually use the word “can’t”, however this is a rare instance when I believe that word is beneficial.  When you accept that you “can’t” do something, you will be less likely to waste your time on it.

The answer is to accept that you can’t make someone listen; you can’t make someone hear you; and you can’t make someone understand you.

What you can do is accept that it’s not your responsibility to make them listen, hear you or understand. It is their choice. You have to leave it to them.

Just a Note Here: I am not suggesting you never discuss things with people in your life. I am talking about recognizing when someone isn’t listening to you & in most cases, simply choosing another time or another approach. I am also talking about the extreme case where you have said your piece over and over, only to be dismissed or ignored over and over. If you are in a futile situation, you probably already know it.

I’m here to help! If you have any interest in getting support and guidance with creating an extraordinary life and/or business for yourself, contact me to set up a casual, no pressure conversation & we’ll discuss how I might be able to help you.

Jen Kunkel
Connect For Success, Life Design & Business Consulting
Author & Creator of “Extraordinary Lives for Ordinary People”