Extraordinary Lives | Extraordinary Businesses | Ordinary People

Conflict with other people is a natural part of life. People cross over our personal boundaries and we stand up for ourselves. Sometimes others are receptive to that and respect those boundaries. Sometimes they don’t understand or dismiss your concern, continuing to cross over your boundaries. Some people even insist that you respect their boundaries, while at the same time trample over yours.

I’m sure most people have been in situations like these. Some can be very difficult to deal with. You are certain that you are right. It seems perfectly clear to you that you are right. I can guarantee you though, that which ever side of this you are on, you will believe you are right. When you believe at your very core that you are right about something, it can be very difficult to see the truth.

So, what do you do?

Well, if your boundaries are constantly getting trampled or ignored, you may feel you need to stand your ground or it will continue to happen. I get that and I don’t expect anyone to sacrifice their personal well-being by allowing their boundaries to keep being crossed.

I do suggest that you question your boundaries and be willing to see the truth. Ask yourself if those boundaries are really that important. Ask yourself if the issue lies more in your perception than the behavior of someone else. Ask yourself if you are putting too many “rules” on how other people behave around you. You may be crossing their boundaries by imposing all these “rules” on them.

On the other hand, sometimes people really are crossing boundaries that are very important to you. If they are physically harming you or taking things that belong to you or forcing you to do things you don’t want to do, definitely stand your ground or get away from them. Other than that, only you can decide what is really important and what you are willing to accept. Just be willing to be very honest with yourself about it.

When I’m in a situation like this, I eventually ask myself what I did to create it. I believe in taking personal responsibility for my role in creating any situation in my own life. I know there is something I did to contribute to making it happen. It’s usually something deeper than what someone else can see on the surface, so it requires self reflection.

Now, understand that taking personal responsibility for your role does not mean you are “wrong” or that the other party has no responsibility. You simply have no control over whether the other party sees their role or not. If you’ve ever attempted to convince someone of how wrong they are, you know that is usually not well received. The only thing you have control over is the part you played.

Seeing your role in creating any situation in your life can be difficult. You have to be willing to look inside yourself and see the truth, whatever it is. Also remember that it is not about blame or fault, which can feel reproachful or condemning. It is about recognizing something you can do differently. That is empowering. If you don’t see how you played any role in creating your circumstances, keep looking. No matter how much of a role other people played, you also played a part. When you find it and are willing to see it, you will have found something that will make a profound impact on your life. You will have a renewed feeling of inner peace because you will now have a feeling of total control over the situation. You will feel empowered.

I’m here to help! If you have any interest in getting support and guidance with creating an extraordinary life and/or business for yourself, contact me to set up a casual, no pressure conversation & we’ll discuss how I might be able to help you.

Jen Kunkel
Connect For Success, Life Design & Business Consulting
Author & Creator of “Extraordinary Lives for Ordinary People”

My Grandpa used to say “Don’t believe anything you hear and only half of what you see.” It turns out that’s a quote by Mark Twain, however at the time I didn’t know that. I also didn’t understand why you would not believe something you could see with your own eyes. If you can see something, it has to be true. Right?

Wrong!!!

Things are not always as they appear to be. Everything you experience is clouded by your own perception. You can see something and absolutely swear it’s true. You know that’s the way it is because you saw it.

Steven Covey uses an example that describes a man on the subway with his children. The children are a bit rowdy and the man seems unconcerned with how his children’s behavior is affecting other passengers. You could see this situation and say you know that man is a bad parent because you saw it. You saw that he just let his kids run wild with no regard for the people around them. The story ends with Covey explaining how he discovered this man and his children had just come from the hospital where their mother had just died. That puts a different spin on it, now doesn’t it?

You might think this could only happen with someone you don’t know. Think though about how these misperceptions are actually more likely to occur with the people you do know. The way you see anyone or anything is already distorted by the “glasses” through which you view life. These glasses are based on your own experiences and your perceptions of those experiences.

Now consider that your view of the people closest to you is based on many experiences with them over the years. Imagine if, for each and every one of those experiences, your perception is just a little skewed from what is really going on “in their shoes”. You form opinions about what kind of person they are on the inside and what their motivation is. However, as it turns out, those opinions are sometimes based on flawed interpretations of their actions.

This is especially true when your communication styles are very different. Even when you explain yourself, it is perceived through the “glasses” of the other person. The words you string together mean one thing in your mind and something different in the mind of another. It happens all the time. It probably happens much more than you realize.

You can never be sure what piece of the puzzle you are missing. There is no way for you to know what is motivating another person. There is no way for you to truly understand someone else because there is no way for you to walk in their shoes.

So, be careful about jumping to conclusions, even if you believe you are seeing something for exactly what it is.

I’m here to help! If you have any interest in getting support and guidance with creating an extraordinary life and/or business for yourself, contact me to set up a casual, no pressure conversation & we’ll discuss how I might be able to help you.

Jen Kunkel
Connect For Success, Life Design & Business Consulting
Author & Creator of “Extraordinary Lives for Ordinary People”

Misunderstandings can cause a great deal of unnecessary conflict in our lives.

A “mis” – “understanding” would be “not” – “understanding”.

Logically, to avoid a misunderstanding, you would seek to understand. How do you understand someone? Listen.

There are two sides to an understanding or misunderstanding though. What if you are the one being misunderstood? What do you do if the other person is not willing to listen? What do you do if you know you’re just not being heard?

Recognize when someone isn’t listening to you and don’t force what you have to say on them. First, forcing what you have to say on them would be quite inconsiderate, regardless of the issue. Second, it would be pointless to simply get your words out when no one is listening. If you feel like you just have to get the words out, give some thought to what is really going on within you. Are you really looking for resolution? Or are you looking to judge, condemn or put down the person?

Another thing to do if you feel someone is not listening is ask yourself if you are really listening to them. For example, if someone is attempting to discuss and resolve an issue with you, coming back to them with an issue you have is not going to help them feel heard. It’s going to seem like you are ignoring their issue and turning it all around on them. Address the issue they are bringing up, with a two-way resolution in mind. Choose another time to bring up any issue you want to resolve.

What if you have looked deep within yourself, you know you have listened and you realize you are just dealing with someone who refuses to listen no matter what else you do?

I’ve been pondering that question for some time now. It’s one of the most difficult questions to answer. At least when it is causing conflict between you and someone you care very much about. You feel more invested in the outcome when it involves someone you care about.

I believe I have found the answer.

I don’t usually use the word “can’t”, however this is a rare instance when I believe that word is beneficial.  When you accept that you “can’t” do something, you will be less likely to waste your time on it.

The answer is to accept that you can’t make someone listen; you can’t make someone hear you; and you can’t make someone understand you.

What you can do is accept that it’s not your responsibility to make them listen, hear you or understand. It is their choice. You have to leave it to them.

Just a Note Here: I am not suggesting you never discuss things with people in your life. I am talking about recognizing when someone isn’t listening to you & in most cases, simply choosing another time or another approach. I am also talking about the extreme case where you have said your piece over and over, only to be dismissed or ignored over and over. If you are in a futile situation, you probably already know it.

I’m here to help! If you have any interest in getting support and guidance with creating an extraordinary life and/or business for yourself, contact me to set up a casual, no pressure conversation & we’ll discuss how I might be able to help you.

Jen Kunkel
Connect For Success, Life Design & Business Consulting
Author & Creator of “Extraordinary Lives for Ordinary People”

I am going to tell you about a very simple tool that will help you generate more sales than you can imagine. It will provide you with the ability to know exactly what your customers and prospects want from you, what is most important to them, the kind of value they expect and the price they are willing to pay for that value.

In fact, this tool is so useful you can use it in every area of your life. In my head, that sounds a bit like an infomercial… it slices, dices, minces, and on and on.

Ok, seriously, this tool is the most valuable tool you have. It’s critical to your success as a Sales Professional, as a Business Professional and even as a Human Being.

The coolest part about it is that this tool is completely free. Not only that… you already have, not just one, but two of them. There I go again with the infomercial tone.

This tool is something we all have. We have two of them. For most of us, they technically function just fine. However, we often do not use them effectively.

You may have already guessed that this tool I’m referring to is our ears. Listening is an invaluable skill that will provide you with tremendous benefits in every area of your life if you learn to do it effectively. Stop being so concerned about “What’s In It For Me” that you are unable to hear what other people are saying. Ironically, the answer to “WIIFM” might be found in hearing what they are looking for.

If you want to sell your product or service, it is amazingly helpful to know what kind of issues your prospect has. Listening to them will tell you exactly how they will receive value from what you have to offer.

It’s no coincidence that sales skills are strongly correlated with relationship and communication skills. You are forming a relationship with your customer. Communication is not about cramming a bunch of facts, benefits or even opinions down their throats. It is about LISTENING to what they want, what they need, what they are concerned about, etc.

Listen, Listen, Listen

I’m here to help! If you have any interest in getting support and guidance with creating an extraordinary life and/or business for yourself, contact me to set up a casual, no pressure conversation & we’ll discuss how I might be able to help you.

Jen Kunkel
Connect For Success, Life Design & Business Consulting
Author & Creator of “Extraordinary Lives for Ordinary People”

Spending your time doing things you think you are “supposed to” do or things others expect you to do is a waste of time. It’s also quite draining on your energy and diminished your personal satisfaction with life.

This week’s messages are all about spending your time and effort on the things that really matter to you.

Thursday’s business message was about optimizing your business networking efforts to make them count most toward the results you want… “Networking Return on Investment”

Friday’s Bite Size was about how material items are often unnecessary and even draining on us… “Bite Size | Our Stuff”

Monday’s Vision & Dreams post was about how we can often achieve our dreams more easily when we change our perspective… “The Pie Display of Dreams”

Tuesday’s Core Strengthening post was about how we can clearly identify our values and start living more in alignment with them… “Values – What Really Matters”

I’m here to help! If you have any interest in getting support and guidance with creating an extraordinary life and/or business for yourself, contact me to set up a casual, no pressure conversation & we’ll discuss how I might be able to help you.

Jen Kunkel
Connect For Success, Life Design & Business Consulting
Author & Creator of “Extraordinary Lives for Ordinary People”

Are you consciously aware of your values and what is really important to you? Even if you are, it can be difficult to live in alignment with those values all of the time. So, if you are not aware of them, it is even more difficult.

I’d like to share with you some ways you can tap into what your core values are.

Think about people you admire or look up to. Write down the characteristics and traits you find appealing about these people. It is likely that most of these characteristics and traits reflect things you value. Choose the ones that do reflect what you value.

Another simple exercise is to imagine yourself as you would like to be ideally. Think of circumstances where you would like to have behaved or responded differently and imagine what that would look like. What values do those situations reflect?

I also believe there are some common core values that benefit anyone who has them. Some of those are integrity, honesty, respect, gratitude, peace and love. These can be difficult to master in every situation. However, if you do master them, living in alignment with many other values simply falls into place.

I’m here to help! If you have any interest in getting support and guidance with creating an extraordinary life and/or business for yourself, contact me to set up a casual, no pressure conversation & we’ll discuss how I might be able to help you.

Jen Kunkel
Connect For Success, Life Design & Business Consulting
Author & Creator of “Extraordinary Lives for Ordinary People”

Are you viewing your dreams in a pie display? Are you looking at the many things you want for your life, behind glass, spinning around just out of reach? They are right in front of you, yet you feel unable to get to them.

You have dreams you want to make a reality in your life. You have things you want to accomplish or acquire. If what you want is still a dream, you don’t have it yet. You may not even be working toward it.

This may be because you haven’t made a decision. Just like pies in a pie display, you seem to want them all and it may be difficult to commit to just one. However, if you don’t make a choice, you’ll have none of them.

If you still find reaching your dream is unattainable, it may be your perspective. While you can see your dream, you may not see how to get it. Again, like the pies behind the glass it doesn’t seem you can just reach out and grab it. However, if you step back and look at it from another angle, you will find a way around the obstacles.

You have everything within you to get what you want. Sometimes it just takes a new viewpoint.

I’m here to help! If you have any interest in getting support and guidance with creating an extraordinary life and/or business for yourself, contact me to set up a casual, no pressure conversation & we’ll discuss how I might be able to help you.

Jen Kunkel
Connect For Success, Life Design & Business Consulting
Author & Creator of “Extraordinary Lives for Ordinary People”